T-T

I never thought of myself as a superstitious girl but perhaps it's time for me to reevaluate myself about this matter. I feel so horrible. I keep on thinking that it's all happening because I came into the picture in his life. He was fine till now... all those randomist things started happening after he met me.. all that trouble that he is going through... financial problems... operations... etcetc... all I can hope for is that three bad things have happened already (in within 3 wks!!) so hope for the 6 good things to happen very soon! I've spoken to one of my friends.. he said completely the opposite from what was in my head... He said I must be the lucky charm since he didn't get any worse injuries then he started naming all the possible maxfac traumas that could have happened, starting with frontal fracture which needs bimaxilliary approach... oh no no no no. *touch wood* Yeah. I shouldn't think this way. I should stay positive... Sigh. Today was the second day that I've been working on being a "beautiful" girl and all those stress is making me old. Grrrrr. It's no one's fault, really. Unfortunate things happen as we live on. Da bien can happen.... though I quite don't get why it has to happen to us right now. So many thoughts are all jumbled up inside my head and it's occupying all the available space... Logical thoughts are actually impossible at the moment... and I'm trying to make myself stay happy by relying on chocolate block which has 2230kJ of energy per 100g. I'm so regret this tomorrow... tomorrow.. yeah. Whatever happens today, tomorrow will come. What am I going to do tomorrow? .....I have nothing to look forward to... silly silly me for thinking like this.

Positive positive think positive...... What can I think to stay positive...? Guess something horrible was gonna happen to us and my grandma has helped us to avoid it by giving a small booboo (definision 3, refer to previous entry)? Gosh here I am being all superstitious again. But if I don't think like this I think I might beat myself up... why oh why did it have to happen to him, why not to me. What's wrong with giving at least one bad thing to me? It's so unfair for him to bear the worst 3 things all by himself especially when I'm not there. Why does he have to go through it all. And why does he say he will have all the bad lucks so I don't have to have any... It's so horrible feeling, to be physically so far away when he ended up in the hospital... AGAIN. It's very minor accident compared to 3 weeks ago but still....... :( the image from 3 weeks ago is popping up again..........................................................crap.

I'm forcing myself to stay awake now. Stupid isn't it.. I'm like a teenage girl who's going rebellious against parents. This time the opposition is not parents but the reality. What's the point of staying up? I have no idea. But I just don't want to sleep... New habit that I've developed recently.

It's not that I'm sad because there is no more holiday... The fact that all those unfortunate things have happened to him and the fact that he's hurt and was in very dangerious situation makes me feel so frustrated... Who's going to be there for him when he wakes up from GA tomorrow...? Deja vu 3/52. What a horrible day. Feel like I've got the biggest rocks in my heart. Sinking to the bottom......

Christians would say, sometimes bad things happen to those who seem undeserving of them. But He allows things to happen for His reasons, whether or not we understand them.Trust Him with all your heart and he will make your paths straight. My view is also something along those lines; bad things that I cannot cope will not happen, everything happens for a reason, I will find out the true reason soon in the future. I will stay thankful that he hasn't injured anywhere else and stay put....

Alright. Time for me to hit the bed. I'm gonna think of the best 6 things that can happen to us... this is gonna be exciting...!!

And the followings are the 6 good things...




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Nah. I will keep it to myself.