cupcakes :)

pretty cupcakes ♥♥
wish i can make them?
ive been wanting to bake bake bake for ages but seeing the amount of BUTTER and SUGAR i have to include... i tell myself that these things should be repelled from my life for a long long time...

emO

Five "Me"s!!'

i feel so emo today and also i got sick of my luxurious LV background of my blog (weird huh). it's not a real thing, thus it's fake, hence i don't like it.  so instead... here goes the black background... awesome! it goes well with my mood. booohoooo. i had so many chocolates today from work and yet my mood is going downhill... like a roller coaster. actually, not like a roller coaster. at least when u ride on it you feel thrilled. 

but then... it's got to be like a roller coaster. you go downhill... then comes the uphill ride... ooooo ahhhhh eeee

nvm. i just need to wait for my favourite time of the day. ~9pm. heehee

eeeee so cheesy!

her "sticky glue" has become stickier

his "sticky glue" has become stickier

they are inseparable now

the "flower" is blooming...

blooming blooming blooming.. for the grand full bloom

when would that be...?

the "flower" will always be more beautiful tomorrow

it will never wrinkle! 

it will never stop blooming

as long as there are "sunlight", "warmth", "water" and "oxygen"..

it will always be there.

run JH run

rushing rushing rushing

i feel like i have to run forward

somehow the recent holiday has left me in "static" status (or.. at least i think it has)

there are so much things that i have to (or.. think there are, at least) do, 

but when i look back, there isn't really.. anything in particular

im not a student there are no more finals and electives and OSCEs

my house review has been done so i can relax with cleaning up my booboos

i don't have big big projects for my work.. 

all i need is good night sleeps and punctuality

i think over and over again and still i come up with nothing urgent that's to be done

but still.. i feel as if im being chased

probably time for self-improvement...?

ahhh. guess i will just move forward,

might as well do that when i feel like it

i never know when the laziness will come being a parasite

the first step?

revisit gym!!!!! 

Good / Bad

i don't know whether i should be relieved / worried with this weather....
guess it's good in a way i won't get too much sun exposure.... recently i've developed this stupid condition called photosensitivity... from not just the sunlight but from the dental light!!! $#%@^@&%$#@#$

UGH...

so it's good tat... the weather will be horrible in KL. woot woot.

*excited

After thinking thinking thinking AND thinking for a long long time came the shopping for my grand M'sian holiday! Wait... hold on a sec.. is the word holiday the best word to describe my trip?? Would our itinerary be somewhat close to that of anyone's holiday? Oh I certainly hope so. But on the other hand... I'm just so excited about flying, going to a new country, eating lots of yummy foods, having fish spa, and... most importantly, seeing my Q (and his family too)!!!! teeheehee~~~

I bought a big tote bag for myself to carry into the plane. I'm going to carry one bag (inside will be a camera bag), one crossbag for my money and passport, and a suitcase, which will be checked in. What's going to be inside the suitcase?? Well well well it's going to be full of food! Like... "Happy New Year! and Merry Christmas!!" Yummy yummy Korean biscuits and tea bags will be filling my suitcase. I end up buying all the old fashioned ones that I used to love when I was growing up - all the new ones do not attract me as I haven't really tried them before.

Mmmm I just can't wait for the 20th of Sept... come hurry up come come! And hopefully by then my face is a bit better too? sigh... another pimple just popped up on my left cheek. It's so red now it looks almost angry. Grrrr why did it choose me  to build up a niche! I seriously have to get rid of them in 4 weeks or so.. or else I'm going to be screwed.............

Craving~

Mmmmmnm....................
Been craving for one of these today..............
Maybe in Sept! heheheee

A big step towards adulthood

Q (for Question not Qpek): Happiness comes when you drop your greed

-So easy to do? 

I think so. I think it's something pretty simple to do. In fact too simple for me to achieve at times.... haha. I try to be happy with what I have. Don't ask for more. Don't envy others. Be thankful for what I have and what I have achieved. Don't be greedy. Wuuuu I can just hear my dad's voice ringing in my ears.....

So many "Don't"s to achieve happiness I reckon. Sometimes I have real trouble drawing a line between wanting more and being satisfied with what I have. I googled this matter; and as always it did not disapoint me. It told me... be happy with what you have but always aim high and do your best so you won't regret for what you don't have or cannot achieve. - I think this is a total BS. Yeah right I knew that answer even before I searched for it. Can't it be a bit more practical?? So much easier to be said than done, thus BS. Yeah, playing with words. Not everyone's enlightened and Buddha. Let him lead the way and be an example. Actually, he is leading the way, we have the perfect example. but still, 100/100 struggle.

But one thing I didn't know before!! makes it easier to follow.

love,,, love,,,,,, Love,,,,,,,,, LOVE,,,,,,,,LOVE changes you. A fraction by fraction. You are more than happy to make a detour for your loved one. You are more than happy to change your work schedule and fly over to see him. You are more than happy to sacrifice your own shopping spree to have a comfortable life together (-___- yes dear im working on it). You are more than happy to wake up earlier just to cook him a beautiful breakfast (i promise to do this!!)... See how much change can happen to you? And in return, you become happier. In my view, one way to define love would be, you wouldn't mind taking a detour  to see a glimpse of smile on him/her. 

Without any notice

Without any sign

Love came to me and I chose to love

I don't need to make myself be satisfied with what I have now,

Because I am more than satisfied with my life, with what I have (downside: somebody has been chained with necklace and ties and belts!!!!)

I belong to somebody~ (woot woot!!)

Near the end of last year, one of my friends told me that I live in my imagination and fictionistic thoughts. He made me "open" my eyes wider and see the real "relationship" world. I was looking for someone who would share the same view in life - but I was told that my fantasy doesn't exist. Some "not so importantly needed" thoughts have been inserted in my head too. At that time they sounded very serious and made me feel disappointed and pessimistic about this dull world. If that is the reality then I thought it's a very dull place to be till I die. Without intention my brain was writing extra chapter or two on not losing the grip and staying suspicious all time time (whatever this means...). I also have thought of the worst of human beings, but at the same time I had no backbone for any confirmation - afterall I'm the only one who is living in fantasy right?

But soon after,,,

I have found somebody that I can call my BB, my soul mate, my lost half,,, (wuuuuu where were u...)

And I knew I can terminate the idea completely,,,,,,

I have learnt that it isn't so much to do with how similar we are but how compatible we are with our differences. With compromises, it's all to do with whether we can accommodate the differences or not. I promise myself that in the future, if situation comes, rather than nagging and whinging you should really be thinking if I'm being greedy and selfish by not willing to give in even a little bit (apart from when it comes to buying BAGS!!!!) hahahahaha

So, going back to the beginning,,,

Am I happy??

.....I think I am :)

Are you?????

eyes everywhere

so many eyes watching constantly
where can you hide?
the world is dark... where can you go?


it's not the same as how i saw the world 
ah..

Continued - happie thoughts

My happy thoughts..

Qpek
Blue bears
Choc flowers
A bunch of red roses
Blue sky
Nice smelling shampoo
Tropical fish
Pink duvet cover
Skype
A warm beanie
Clean teeth after scaling
Rain (비)
Hairbands with ribbons
Big teddy bears
Travelling
Air NZ lollies - red
Chisels
Friendship
Star gazing
LV bags
Tiffany and Co
Pretty high heels
Bally
Audi TT Coupe
A brand new apartment
Clean bathroom
Wake up and open the curtains and find that it snowed over night
Flossing
Caramel macchiato
Mum's cooking
Besties
Infinity challenge (무한도전)
Bubbles
Yellow Freesias
Sleeping in on Sunday morning
Cheese
Balloons
Ice Wine
Age of Empire
Pressies
Cakes
Blings


There.. I think I've listed enough happy thoughts they are making me float!
Why don't you come up with your own list too??

Mission, find a diamond from ur POOP

... to persue happiness, you need to play a little trick to yourself.
It's nothing sneaky.
You just need a little tint of magic portion, which i call "finding a diamond from the poop".


For example...
Your gold crown has come off and you accidently swallowed it. The next day, you go through your poop and you have found the gold crown. Then you bring it back to the dentist, and after sterilisation, it can be recemented back onto your tooth. (a true story) 


You are about to have a photoshoot for the high school graduation... it's a nice sunny day. While you are waiting enjoying a good chitchat with your friends, suddenly you hear "piapppp" noise... and suddenly your head feels disgustingly warm... Uh-oh. A stupid bird has pooped on your head before it flew away. Dammit. But rather than crying and cursing the bird for the rest of your life, after a min of recuperation, you face the camera on the unaffected side and smile away... as if nothing has happened. And it won't show a thing. After that? You have the best excuse in the world to bunk the rest of the day and go home...... (also a true story)


You have broken an ankle..... as a result, ACC is paying you, mortgage insurance is paying the mortgage for you... free accomodation with free food and warm bed is provided... gets overloaded with bluebears... and most importantly, the healing bear is on her way across the Tasman. (another true story)


Your ankle does not heal so well.. a big booboo (definition 3, refer to previous entry 19/04/10)... what can you do? You get to have a longer holiday in SYDNEY!!! (*gasp* did I say... Sydney??)




I mean, obviously, the best scenario would be... the cases where those things do not happen. Of course. But if it already has happened, then what can you do? You are not God. Even God Himself could not have the things the way He planned it. Firstly, Adam touched the apple.. then people started becoming selfish and greedy. I'm sure the way we are isn't the way He wants us to be... 


We have  infinite numbers of thoughts each day. It perfectly makes sense to state that, happy people think more happy thoughts than unhappy thoughts. Happy thoughts have close relationship with confidence and optimism. It's not that you are optimistic hence think happily. It's actually the other way around. You think of happy thoughts which makes your views optimistic. Vice versa, unhappy thoughts such as jealousy and anger will create the fearful vibe. In this you cannot come out ever so bubbly. You will be afraid, worried and depressed constantly and this will drive away all those opportunities where you can make things better.  Buddha said, everything starts from your thoughts. Start off by thinking happy thoughts and this will in turn, create happy perceptions, which will lead us to happy events, which will create the happy atmosphere all around us. Of course it's easier to be said than done. But there will be a definite difference between not trying and trying.. right? 


Everyone goes through ups and downs.. there is a saying, "even a piece of paper gets lighter if you support it with others". Family, friends, partners.. share your joy and sorrow with them. Share the problem and it will become lighter. We have lots of different roles in our lives, I'm a daughter, I'm a good friend, I'm a sister, I'm a girlfriend, I'm a..... err..... dentist. I cannot be there for my loved ones all the time, and this guilt comes to me quite heavily, especially when I cannot be much of a help when they are going through tough times. Engagements, life crisis... though I cannot say I know exactly what they are going through, I can certainly say that I feel for them. I worry for them and I wish there was something that I could do to make them feel better. 


So, what can I do? Well I try to infect them with my happy/love virus... :) while it lasts I'm going to share it with everybody. I'm working on sending my happy/love virus to my precious jewels... Helping them to see the diamond from the poopy situation. At least then they can work towards looking for the diamond. And this is helping me to become a happier person with more serious virus to share!




****************
Dearie, I really wish you can think more happy thoughts... not to make you feel better straight away but because happier thoughts will make you stronger and give you a more stable foundation to your life. You have to be in control rather than being bounced around by life and its happenings. POOP! happens all the time and it's matter of how to wipe it off and start again! 


PS: I've been thinking... I wish I nicked one of the blue dental gown that we used to have in dental school.. my fave size 12 V necked one. I started missing it so much I don't know why. Random aye...

hydroxyl talk

Mmmmmmm Cocktail.... Mmmmmmmm

What the! my patient did not turn up... been waiting for 20min this is clearly FTA!

So here I am... being the very immature non-prof journalist in my world of blogging... Suddenly I feel like reminiscing my Dunedin life... Ahhh good ol' Dunedin. Great friends, great memories, "great" lectures and clinics... *clearing throat*... great food (believe it or not I miss Dunedin food so much!)

The typical lifestyle of poor students (yet enough money to get boozed up) in Dunedin is something that you probably won't see in anywhere in Kiwiland. Perhaps you might be able to have a peek of it here and there depending on where or when (O'week? after Exams?). But not throughout the entire year man... I remember seeing smokes from my balcony on Ethel-Benjamin Place one Friday night, which turned out to be the smokes from burning couch on the next street. Also I remember seeing a rubbish bin (you know those big black plastic bin with yellow lid on the top) full of beer bottles after the weekends... - yes I was being a good girl and was on my way to the library early on Sunday morning to nuture my brain cells with odontogenesis!!

Remains of burnt couch... (ref Wikipedia)

Here is a list of few things that you may / may not agree - depends on the exposure I guess?

*Things that are hard to say when drunk:
-Innovative
-Preliminary
-Proliferation
-Cinnamon

*If you found the above hard, try the next lot.... You probably won't have any -OH running in your blood system at the moment but try anyway:
-Specificity
-Anti-constitutionalistically 
-Transubstantiate

*And the following are the downright impossible things to say, or hear from those drunkards
-No thanks, I have a gf
-Nope, no more alcohol for me, I've had enough for the night
-Sorry but you are not really my type aye
-Mac D? BK?? no thanks, I'm not hungry
-Oh no I won't sing.. nobody wants to hear me singing karaoke - perhaps I should try this method on my baby Q
-I'm not interested in fighting you
-I won't be clubbing tonight, I'm a no dancer
-Excuse me I'm looking for the toilet, I don't want to pee on the side of the road
-I need to go home now... I have to go for the group meeting tomorrow morning............

private tuition needed - URGENT

not long to go till i go to m'sia

sigh...
ive been practising all the chinese that i noe in my head recently, and this is pretty much it...

hello
how are u
im junghee
im a korean
im hungry
im full
it's yummy
i can speak chinese a little
im thirsty
im tired
im sleepy
sore
baby
i love u
i like u
i wanna see u in my dream because i love u very very much
u are pretty
u are handsome
u are a pig head
i wanna poopoo
oh oh and it's nice meeting u


-_-;;
there aren't much that i can say to other people apart from my BB... akkkk
is somebody available for 24/7 chinese tutoring??

///o.o///

11/04/10

2130 @bathroom
just before taking shower
i was playing w my hair... thinking how to curl it
parting my hair from left to right
coiling with my finger...
playing playing...

!!!!!!!!!!!!
then i saw it!!
omg omg omg!!!
OMG OMG !!
///O.O///

a silver bling blingy hair.......... from my left side of the head........ㅠㅠ
i know i get ONE silver hair that keeps on growing everytime i pull it out. so i have been checking that every few months or so. and now? i have to check another spot??!!

seriously!
i wish time can stop.
im getting old ㅡ.ㅜ

-

Feeling weaker and weaker and I'm losing the confidence

but once again I pretend nothing's happening and stay strong

Can't be direct and say yes or no

Can't say what I want

Nothing goes as expected, as I wanted

expressing a wish or a regret

when we moved to nz
mum used to say
if only u don't fail ur subjects...

when i passed all my subjects
dad said
if only u can be the top of the class...

when i got to the top of my class
they said
if only u can be the top of the school...

i got the 1st national
even then they said
if only u can get into uni...

so i got into uni
and everyone was saying
if only you get through and get into dentistry...

when i made it to dentistry
i told myself
if only i can pass all the papers and graduate... (with credit!)

then it did not stop there
if only i could get the hospital job...
if only i could move to aussie and settle well...

it's always been
if only... if only...
i don't know since when
but i have become just like everyone else,
even regarding matters in my life
i've started quoting them,
if only... if only...


if only i was smarter... if only i was prettier... if only i had more financial support...
im sick of imagining this fantastic situation
even when i reach there there's no satisfaction,
no matter what i become, no matter how many people will be looking up to me
i may keep on saying if only... if only...


perhaps this is the true definition of the word "if" which is used in conditional sentences
condition possible to fulfill
condition in theory possible to fulfill
condition not possible to fulfill because it's too late

there still is a possibility
but at the same time it can be used to state the impossibility

all i hope for is that i won't have to use "if" to state the impossibility because it's too late
the perfect example would be...
if only i stayed back in new zealand.................................

blue blue BLUE

Feel so odd today



Feel so rushed


nothing is right


everyone is pushing me off from the edge


even when they are being friendly and pulling my legs


i get agitated... frustated... feel like growling at someone


now who'd be the easy target


can't they just leave me alone


i don't know what's wrong with me


nothing is going well

tomorrow seems just so blackkkkkkk



i miss home........

Blue sky

25.03.10

pretty clouds!

i remember looking up at the sky when i was little...

walking to school with a big bag on my back, a lunch bag and a pair of inside shoes bag on each hand... 

playing up on the jungle gym and i remember seeing the blue sky...

mum used to say the sky even gets higher in autumn, i still never understood why, but i remember seeing the autumn sky and thinking, wow.. it IS higher in autumn..

then i moved to new zealand,

i kept on looking up and wowing at how "blue" the sky is. it was only then i learnt the true colour of "sky blue". it was so pretty (it still is)

making funny animal shapes with clouds.. a whale with a rabbit tail, a duck with a huge poop dangling on its @ss...

seeing airplanes and helicopters...

but suddenly there is a huge gap in my life where i have no memory of seeing the sky anymore :'(

perhaps i have grown out of the dreamy side of me?

perhaps i have no time to stop, breathe and look up?

perhaps i have been pushing too far without giving myself a rest?

after moving to aussieland 

i look at the sky... all the time! but i have not had any chance to admire its beauty of it

i just look.. and think 

"should i carry the umbrella to work...? gosh it's so heavy!" 

"oh man another day of clouds... when am i going to be able to do laundry..."

"looks too clear. i need extra layer of sunscreens"

geez.. what a critical feed forward mechanism i have developed!

i must be heading towards the big wild adulthood now..

but doesn't mean i have to lose my inner child-side of me...

there you go. you are doing well. pat pat on your shoulder.

just give yourself a break time to time. have a breathe and look up at the blue sky. 

just like it can absorb everything that's happening underneath it..

grow a big heart and see a bigger picture

so today,

a nice thursday afternoon

i took a picture of the beautiful blue sky

dream on!

.

25.01.10

Recently I received quite a harsh email from a friend of mine. What was this such a sarcastic message for? Who was the one who started saying it's wasting time and energy..

Err, excuse me but it should be ME who's feeling like that. The moment I read the first sentence I knew where it was going. Should have stopped then. Conserve my time and energy for something worth.

But thankfully, thanks to my great helping hand (once again!) all the frustration and annoyance have disappeared instantly.. I was able to smile again, have another cheerful day. That's right, stay vibrant. Only way to keep myself young! haha

You come out from the dark only wiser. Life ain't gonna be so smooth, and I have dived into the deep ocean without much hesitation. Got to keep on kicking to stay alive. But hey, there's a bright bright world outisde the dark..! and I have found it!! :) So I'm smiling now. Been smiling.... am smiling... and i will be smiling...! :D