repenting for my immaturity...

That's right!
Today is the day!!
He's done so well. He must've been very frustrated at himself and/or the whole situation... even Buddha would have been annoyed slightly. Yet my brave Q has not complaint or showed any sign of frustration to me for the past 6 weeks. On the other hand... it was ME who was nagging, complaining, being unhappy... ahhh... how immature was that!

I know I shouldn't have acted that way. I know how devastated he was when it all happened. I can just imagine him trying to figure out how to break the news to me... I can feel his pain when he was thinking about how I'd react....... I know he tried to put his brave and cheery face for me but I also knew that he was hurting inside... a lot. More than me. Makes my eyes teary everytime I think about it................................

Just because I am a girl, just because I am younger, just because..... I am childish, I did not manage to comfort him enough. Even when I was in Chch I made him so tired by dragging him to everywhere... not giving him any time to rest. He was being responsible and he entertained me the whole time. He never lost a smile and did everything that I wanted to do. We enjoyed our precious alone time together with no doubt, but he was very very exhausted....

I wanted to piggy back him. I wanted to be his third leg. I wanted to help him in everything. I really did. But waking up in the middle of night to pass the crutches, turning the light on, opening the door... those very simple actions turned hazardous to him. I kicked his casted leg and I dropped the crutchet and KO'ed him in the head... SIGH.

My heart is so big... it's filled with things I want to do for him. I would even lift up a feather for him, if that will make him happier. In continuation, my heart is expanding even more - it's getting filled by his TLC. Such a sweet bf, what did I do in the past to deserve him!

Everyday I tell myself I must be a better person, I must do more good things. If I miss the rubbish bin I make effort to go and pick it up. If I'm lining up to buy a train ticket and someone's trying to overtake me, I let him be. If a lousy Aussie driver honks at me when I'm crossing the road with green light, I don't curse him. I smile and be polite to all my patients, I do the best that I can do to them. Not that I've never done these before, but every minute of my life when I can do good deeds, I'd do it. Come good karma, come and please stay around us. It feels like I've already used up all my luck for the life, when I met him. All those precious timings.. if one single incident went diffentl, I we would not be where we are.

Hope it all goes well today. Today is the day. The day he becomes the limpy man. I will be praying... 7.5 hours to go. I'm nervous......