expressing a wish or a regret

when we moved to nz
mum used to say
if only u don't fail ur subjects...

when i passed all my subjects
dad said
if only u can be the top of the class...

when i got to the top of my class
they said
if only u can be the top of the school...

i got the 1st national
even then they said
if only u can get into uni...

so i got into uni
and everyone was saying
if only you get through and get into dentistry...

when i made it to dentistry
i told myself
if only i can pass all the papers and graduate... (with credit!)

then it did not stop there
if only i could get the hospital job...
if only i could move to aussie and settle well...

it's always been
if only... if only...
i don't know since when
but i have become just like everyone else,
even regarding matters in my life
i've started quoting them,
if only... if only...


if only i was smarter... if only i was prettier... if only i had more financial support...
im sick of imagining this fantastic situation
even when i reach there there's no satisfaction,
no matter what i become, no matter how many people will be looking up to me
i may keep on saying if only... if only...


perhaps this is the true definition of the word "if" which is used in conditional sentences
condition possible to fulfill
condition in theory possible to fulfill
condition not possible to fulfill because it's too late

there still is a possibility
but at the same time it can be used to state the impossibility

all i hope for is that i won't have to use "if" to state the impossibility because it's too late
the perfect example would be...
if only i stayed back in new zealand.................................